Grief & Loss

Today I got word that a distant relative of mine passed away suddenly, she was only 61. Although I didn't know her, the loss of a loved one is always hard, especially at this time of year. The hard part of loss is not the time when there are plenty of people around bringing food, just stopping by to visit, the hard part is after the people leave and you are alone. Sometimes in this time alone it is hard to see that you are not alone, you can be so caught up in your grief. You find yourself staring at the favorite places that they used to sit, staring at their side of the bed, lifting their favorite sweater just to smell them. Hanging on to any little pieces of them you can.

We have all experienced grief, and all of us experience it differently, and in our own timing. Grief is noting to be ashamed of , as there can be no recovery without it. There is a common phrase that many of us have heard "Time heals all wounds." I don't believe that this is necessarily true, I believe that we accept it, but it remains a part of us, we just make room for it. Our experiences make us who we are, and our reactions to them however positive or negative help us help the next person deal with it. It also helps us to admit our failures or shortcomings in the dealing of our own situation.

I remember vividly the night my husband died, this has been 21 years, and I remember that more than I can remember some things about him, especially his voice, his laugh, his smell ( I still go through the the grocery store and if I find Brut I open it and take a good long whiff), I know how funny that sounds. 😊😊😊.

Like I said, this grief can also help you deal with your failures or shortcomings that happened from your situation. I was 22 when I became widowed, I was a new mom to an 8 month old. I didn't understand why God would do this to me. Then, I was not as passionate as I am today, or how I wish I knew then what I know now, but this was my road to travel to become who I am. I am not perfect, I have made lots of mistakes, and I freely admit that I carried a lot of those mistakes and baggage into my new relationship with Mike. I also had many great friends from that time in my life, some who we made the Godparents to my daughter. They were our best friends, and that beautiful friendship started with a phone call to the police because the party was just a tad to loud. 😏😏😏.

Sadly, a few years after I lost my husband, she lost her husband in a car accident. I remember that day very well too, she called me at work, and I immediately left work to be with her. Isn't that what any good friend would do? He was a wonderful man, and he loved his family dearly. What I regret from these few years is that I needed to talk, and I talked all the time about me, and gave little thought to what she was going through, or anyone else for that fact. One of the greatest gifts that you can give someone is to help them through the grieving process, the entire process. They helped me a great deal when I needed someone, which was often. Then there was one time when someone said something and 'poof" the friendship was gone. I regret the loss of this relationship, and miss her and her family.

Loss is loss, no matter what form it comes in, from a beloved spouse, a friendship or a furry companion. We all grieve. As I write this I;m listening to Lauren Daigle's album How Can it Be, seems fitting for the topic. All things happen for a reason, and for some reason the road I'm on is not one I expected to be on, but I trust that it is because God has a great plan for me, as it says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In a book called God is in the HARD Stuff by Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz, I cam across a quote from Michelangelo:

"Lord, on You I call for help

against my blind and senseless torment,

since You alone can renew

inwardly and outwardly my mind,

my will, and my strength, which are weak."

In the same book I also came across "Faith in God involves hope. A Hope in the future. The hope of a better life to come. A hope of spending eternity with our heavenly Father."

For today I am gonna leave you with a verse from Roman 8:38-39:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angles or demons, 

either the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, 

nor anything else in all creation, 

will not be able to separate us from the love of God that is in  Christ Jesus our Lord."

Another song I heard today that I want to share, as it is fitting for today's theme:

Inspiration

I am sure that there are many things that most of us find inspiration in. Most of the time I find that I am mostly inspired by song lyrics, I have many pieces of paper laying all over that have lyrics on them, sometimes, it is a quote in a book, a photograph, and just sometimes it is the beauty that the I see that the Lord has created. Today, I want to share a few of the snip its of things that have really struck a chord in me,

I try to keep a journal, it is mostly just the happenings of the day, I have even pasted some pictures in there of pictures of places that I would like to visit some day, and some days all it is is lyrics. With each lyric I will name the artist and the song.

Believe by Skillet:
"I can't undo the things that have led us to this place. There is more to us than our mistakes."

Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave
"Seems like all I can see was the struggle, haunted by ghosts that lived in my past, bound up in shackles of all my failures. Wondering how long is this gonna last?"

I Need You Now by Plumb
"I can't let go, I can't move on. Standing on a road I didn't plan, wondering how I got to where I am, GOD, I need you now.

Joyce Meyer
"We may have endured terrible things in our lives and may have been deeply wounded in the process. But there is HOPE. We can harness our emotions- taking control of this powerful force within US..... Victory is possible. Genuine healing can occur if we're willing to allow the Father to set us free."
Here the key word is WILLING.

I will share more of some of my favorites in future posts, today I want to leave you with a verse from Hebrews 13:5
                 GOD has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Hello

Hi All,

Welcome to my first post. I wanted to introduce myself, and explain a little a bit about my purpose for this blog.I am also not a writer, so there may be times where I seem like I am rambling (because I probably am :))

First of all my name is Shawn, I live in a small rural community in the northwest corner of Iowa. I am a registered nurse that is currently in school pursuing a masters degree. I have been working on this degree since 2009, but we all know that life throws us many curve balls, well in 2012 I was hit with one of those curve balls.

I have quite a large and somewhat divided family. When I say divided, I don't mean that we are at odds with each other, it is just a complicated story.
So, here it goes, I was married for the first time at the age of 20, from that marriage we had a daughter named Ashley, who is now 21. My husband had a son from his previous marriage D.J. who is now 27. D.J. and his girlfriend have 2 kids with another on the way due in March. My husband died when I was 22 from suicide, Ashley was 8 months old and D.J. was 5, as his dad died the week before his birthday.
Six months after the death of David, I met a man that would become my 2nd husband many years later. From that marriage we had a son Quentin, who is now 19. Mike had a daughter from his first marriage Elizabeth who is also 27. Her and her fiancee have 2 children Wyatt (7), and Natalie (5).

I became a grandmother although a step-grandmother at the age of 36. This was/is one of the most wonderful experiences of my life, both of those kids have such a hold on my heart, and love them wholeheartedly. I love all my kids, and would do anything for them, but the love for grand kids is different, and any grandparents know what I am talking about.

Well, now to the curve ball 2012 threw me. I had actually been in school working on my doctoral degree since 2009, and in 2012, I started to have trouble. I had been working full-time, taking full-time credits at school, with kids at home, and the demands of my time were too much for me, and I fell apart, literally. Including my marriage, in the summer of 2013 Mike and I separated. May of this year our divorce was finalized. We had been together for 20 years and suddenly I find myself alone.

Now the reason for this blog, I have been having trouble lately, an identity crisis of sorts you could call it. For so many years there was "us", now there is just "ME". My kids are all grown and have lives of their own, even though I speak to them almost everyday, its just difficult being by myself. Since our separation I had not attended church. I was invited by a friend- you know who you are to a bible study. From this study, I learned so much, and it literally blew my mind. Things that I had never heard in church, or at least things that were not talked about much. The Holy Spirit. From this study I had so many questions concerning my relationship with God. I will save the details for another post, because otherwise I will ramble.

The title "Perfectly Broken" is because we are created prefect in God's image, but we are all broken, and it is through this brokenness we can choose to stew in it and deal with it or choose to do something about it and use it to help others, because no matter what others say you are not alone, the things that you are feeling others are going through too. My hope is to bring people together to a safe place, where you are free to vent, talk, whatever you feel you need to do.

YOU are made for amazing things, YOU are beautiful, YOU are not a failure, YOU are the child of a KING. YOU are here for a reason, and have a purpose to fulfill. YOU are free because of the cross. Romans 3:22-24 says that "from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."


May you all have a blessed evening,
Shawn